I have been really tired. A couple of weeks ago there were a couple of days that I was so tired that I could barely function. I kept trudging along though because I thought it was because I started exercising more and getting up earlier. I actually was feeling bad about myself because I thought I just couldn't handle it--that I wasn't strong enough. (Why I have a thing about being strong, I don't know.) I've been emotionally a wreck lately. (That last bit could be hormonal, but let's assume it's the fatigue.) I got a cough after the couple of days of being so very tired. It never went away, and quite possibly worsened, so yesterday I went to the doctor. Well, I have mono. Yes, that's right, MONO. I have mono and I didn't even get to take a day off. Clearly, I didn't get a severe case, thank God. I am so thankful that it's a mild case. But, I still feel I have been cheated. I should have at least gotten a couple of sick days. I also have bronchitis, which I have been given a Rx for, but somebody messed up--I still don't know if it was the pharmacy or the clinic, but I don't actually have the medicine, yet. The doctor was kind enough to give me cough medicine samples. He asked me if I wanted an Rx for that and I said, "uh. . . I'm thinking. . . last time I got a Rx for cough medicine the co-pay was $30 and I don't know if my cough is that bad." The real kicker out of all of this is that when I initially started feeling tired, Allister said to me, "You know, you might have mono. Jason said some of the youth kids have been passing it around." (Yet, did I get a day off? I think not.)
Allister has been working a lot lately. He has had some extra classes he has to go to in addition to a regular work week. I'm glad he loves his job because his schedule stinks! Could you imagine not loving your job and your schedule being 13 hour night shifts, plus classes on alternating days?! The classes are only for a couple of weeks, then he'll go back to his regular 4--13 hr. night shifts--with an occasional 5 nights. Which leads me to another topic:
Which I will not discuss at this time because I have a really bad attitude about it and you don't need to see "my closet" today. But, I will say this much. I read an article online about "Why Gen Xers hate their jobs." One lady said that GenXers are bitter because they have been fed lies about if you do this--everything will be good for you. (paraphrase) That rang so true for me. (It was a light-bulb moment.) I don't want to admit that I am bitter, but I do feel that I have been lied to by the church and society in general about what life would be like and I'm having trouble dealing with it. I get overly concerned with what I "should be" and with what life "should be" and I have trouble accepting me/it for what I/it am/is. So, there. You got a PEEK into my "closet."
2 comments:
So sorry to hear that you've been mooching with the youth kids!!!
I'm curious to see the rest of your closet. You just said enough to get me interested, like those silly LOST previews. A teaser. I think I might be somewhere in your secret closet, too.
You know, life as an adult is not as fun as I once thought as a teenager. I have yet to see many of my childhood dreams and desires fulfilled.
However, the story has not been finished, and God continues to prove His faithfulness and love to me in the midst of my wondering and wandering.
I have learned that my intimacy with Him depends on my honesty with Him about all the unfulfilled things in my life.
Sometimes, my emotions feel that He really is not enough, hasn't done enough, and He might not be able to sustain me. In those hours of desperation and anger as I cry out those accusations to Him, He does not "smite" or reject me. He always gives me what I need for that moment, even if He doesn't fulfill my dream or desire at that moment.
I know you know what I am saying, but I just wanted to remind you that we're all on the same journey, fighting similar battles. We all must daily answer the question, "Do you really trust ME?"
I have to be honest and say that my answer is not always, "YES!"
But God is faithful.
Post a Comment