Awesome

My sister, Jennifer, sent this to me. This is exactly what us perfectionists need!


There is therefore now no condemnation to them which are in Christ Jesus, who walk not after the flesh, but after the Spirit.--ROMANS 8:1

Do not scrutinize so closely whether you are doing much or little, ill or well, so long as what you do is not sinful, and that you are heartily seeking to do everything for God. Try as far as you can to do everything well, but when it is done do not think about it; try rather to think of what is to be done next. Go on simply in the Lord's way, and do not torment yourself. We ought to hate our faults, but with a quiet, calm hatred, not pettishly and anxiously. We must learn to look patiently at them, and win through them the grace of self-abnegation and humility. Be constant and courageous, and rejoice that He has given you the will to be wholly His.
--ST. FRANCIS DE SALES

Processing Productivity

Edit: Holy Cow! This is long. Maybe I should write a book.

(If you make it through this, you are a good friend or really have nothing to do!)

There was a women's conference at our church this weekend. I barely made it through it because I'm so tired. I wish that I didn't have to go to the store in the morning, but I felt compelled to bring food to a lady who got double knee replacement surgery and I volunteered to to do that tomorrow. I hope M will help me make cheesecake!

Margaret Feinberg was our keynote speaker. If you haven't heard her speak, I recommend it. I love listening to her talk. She has a way of verbally painting pictures of the character of God that is just astounding! I love words and she used the most beautiful descriptive words. She also can be very funny.

One thing I have been grappling with in my own life is the idea of serving outside the home. One of the topics that came up time and again this weekend was that God made us each for a function and a purpose and we need to fulfill that. I have felt almost trapped in some ways in the home. I have felt like I can't do anything because then who's going to take care of my 4 kids while I go minister? I might as well just stay at home. . . especially when I was still nursing them. So, now that they getting bigger, I'm re-evaluating what I can do. They aren't so hard to watch anymore. They are even big enough to help some. But, my question is still WHAT? I was all but scolded for not doing VBS this year. It was very hurtful. Just because I have 4 kids, doesn't mean God wants me to serve in VBS. So, I went to the breakout session entitled, "I don't like VBS very much; does that make me a bad Christian?" (I'm not kidding, but go ahead and laugh. God has a sense of humor.) Truth is, I don't dislike VBS. I just get burned out on kids. I was hoping to get a clear-cut answer from God about what I should be doing. It was a great session. The speaker did a fantastic job. I admire what she does (repairing houses for the poor). I, like her, have the desire to meet people's physical needs. But, the Lord knows I don't know how to fix a leaky roof! She didn't answer my question. I'm still left with the same question burning in my soul. Am I supposed to be doing more?! I know that being a mother is a ministry in itself, but is that really enough? I help out one of my neighbors every now and then. I'm happy to do that. I make a meal when called upon to do so to help someone in need. I help out when asked in our home school group (although I haven't signed up to teach). But, is that enough? Y'all, I'm so tired, but I never feel like I can do enough to serve God. Then, I'm left with another question. Is my commitment to home schooling my kids getting in the way of me ministering outside my family? Am I making a mistake by keeping them at home and filling my days trying my best to educate them myself. . . obsessing over curriculum, fighting over assignments, and trying to figure out how to motivate them to do something that they would do in a heartbeat for a teacher at school? Should I be out there volunteering, running a ministry, visiting the sick, feeding the homeless or something else? Someone might say, "Why can't it be both?" You'd think. Right now it takes me from breakfast to dinner to get my kids to do their school work. (We are having attitude problems.) Then, there's dinner, cleaning, sports, church, etc. You get the idea. I have actually been praying about this for a while. Years, in fact. I really struggle with feeling that I should be out there doing "real" ministry. But, when I pray, I feel like God is telling me I'm doing exactly what He wants me to do. He tells me that I am a model. Y'all, I don't even really know what that means. I also feel that He has told me that I'm a supporter. The Scriptures says that the sheep know His voice. So, if I'm really hearing Him. . . why do I still feel this way? Why do I find my role frustrating, instead of satisfying? Why am I yearning to do more? I must be missing something here. "God's not finished with me, yet."

Tonight, Margaret said three things that were an encouragement to me. She told a story of how she visited a beekeeper for the purpose of finding out why the Bible would describe Canaan as a "land flowing with milk and honey." The beekeeper describe to her how the bee colony works and the complexity of functions each bee has, which are essential to hive. Each bee has to do the function that it was created to do, or the hive doesn't work. In order for the land to be flowing with honey, every bee must be doing what it was made to do. One of the jobs is to take care of the baby bees. The second was that she visited a farm to learn more about farming in Scripture. She described the importance of keeping the rows straight. In order to keep the rows straight, you have to have a focal point. For us, that's Jesus. I need so desperately to apply this to home schooling. I've got 4 rows I need to keep straight and I need to focus on Jesus to do that! The last one was related to a vineyard. (I got a little something out of nearly every point!) She also visited a vineyard. . .well, it's obvious why now. She learned that when someone buys a vineyard, it takes 18-20 years to get back what he invested in buying the land! Now that's being in it for the long haul! My job is long term. I'm not necessarily going to see results right away like some might. God keeps reminding me of Susana Wesley (Did you know she home schooled?). I read a YWAM book for kids (to my kids) about John Wesley's life. If I can just be the mother of a world shaker. . . that will be enough for me. The thing is, I won't know for a LONG time. I may never know. I am just a thread. I can't see the big picture in God's tapestry. My kids may not grow up to be world shakers. They might end up in jail (probably not). God may have me here for a season, and have something "bigger" later. (Not sure that there really IS anything bigger. . . where would John and Charles Wesley without their mother?) As I recall, Susana got an opportunity to preach later. She really stirred some people up! You can imagine that women preaching wasn't too popular back then! John realized because of his mother that women can be used of God, too. It opened up the doors that are still being opened today.

So, to those of you who are out there doing "real" ministry: You Go Girl!

And to those of you who are "just" moms: You Go Girl! Raise a world shaker or FIVE! :)

Cabin Trip

I'm trying to mostly use pictures that I didn't use on FB, so this will be mostly new to you. :) We went on a trip to New Mexico with two of our home schooling family friends. This is the cabin that belongs to one of the families: Between us, there were 13 kids ages 3-11. All but 3 of us slept upstairs in a big room with old mattresses on the floor. 16 of us in a room! It was like Summer camp, except no bunks.

The kids built their own little cabin while we were there. That cutie in the front belongs to J.D. and my sister named her baby the same name. (That's for you, Wendy.) Here's the kids in the cabin they built. It rained 1/2 a day and it kept out the water! Pretty good, I think.

We made s'mores at night. This is what the guys did:

Here's where the kids went fishing. They didn't catch anything at first.

Here's the best tire swing ever!

I was surprised to see apples!

The kids caught 6 trout after it rained!

YUM! The doctor can cook some trout!

There were some pretty flowers. I bet there were a lot more in the Spring. Hint, hint.

I love seeing pictures of Z! She looks so much like Wendy and I did!

We drove up to the top the last morning before we went home. It was a curvy, rough, dirt road, but it was PRETTY!

Me after sleeping in a cabin in the mountains for 3 nights. Looks like a big smile, but more like a big squint. I wonder where my shades went!

I feel like bullets

• I have SO not been working out. I think I'm going to have to get a video. It's getting light later and later. . . then I think I need to start school soon.
• M moved up to youth. I was kinda nervous about this, but I think it's going to be OK. Apparently he was nervous, too. He showed me how he had bitten the skin off his finger. He gets that from his dad. Nail biting. . . who knew that was genetic?
• I went back to Kohl's with my Kohl's cash. I got jeans, 3 more shirts and M some jeans. The prices had dropped, of course. You'll save MORE if you go AFTER the tax free weekend! This didn't surprise me, of course. This is the first year I've ventured out for tax-free weekend.
• I'm trying a new thing for school. It's basically a form that I am filling out with the days of the week across the top and the subjects down the side. I fill out what they are to do each day, like a "goal chart." I have them show me their work when they are done and then I initial it. Or if it's me reading to them, I initial it when I'm done. This is just a way to show them what I expect each day and keep them accountable. (They have been asking me for a list, which I think is funny because M used to get overwhelmed when I put everything on the board to check off.) And for me, it keeps me accountable for what I am skipping and not skipping. Sometimes I get tired and I'm like, "Let's just skip that today!" Which is OK every once in a while, but not too much. I've already done it this week for M's science because he isn't ready for a test and I found out he had skipped some assignments. I grounded him for it and we are going to go back and do them before he takes the test.
• Do you ever have something exciting you want to tell people, but you know they are going to ask questions that you aren't supposed to answer for another person's privacy, so then you don't tell them at all, but you are so super excited?!
• Someone tonight complimented my complexion. I thought it was sweet, but kinda funny with my zits, under-eye circles, and freckles. I keep telling myself that what's causing those zits is what's keeping me from wrinkling. It's just a hypothesis I made up that makes me feel better about getting zits at 30-something. LOL If I can't be skinny, maybe I can at least look young. :)
• I will tell the cop story another day. I'm not in the mind-set to do that tonight. And I'm pretty sure M will be really upset if he knew I blogged about it. He is so embarrassed.
• I am really excited about what God has been doing in my life in the last several months. I can't wait to see what else He has in store! The Scriptures is more alive to me than it's ever been. I get so excited about our History and Science lessons. They are written in a way that glorifies God so much. Sometimes I get choked up while I'm reading the books to the kids. They probably think I'm crazy! LOL I read these stories and the Lord just starts speaking to my heart. It's just wonderful! I've gone so many years where I felt like I was in a desert place and the Lord just didn't feel close. My spirit felt so dry. Now I feel like I am being lead by streams of water, refreshing my spirit and my soul. I thank the LORD for what He has done!