It's so hard to "let go and let God"

A post by beautiful chaos, which I can't even find now (about Moses being quiet and letting God do the work), was pointed out to me by my sister after I sent her a short email that said, "I suck. Why can't I just keep my mouth shut?" I had confronted my husband that morning about our finances. The basic jest is that we have different ideas about how to deal with money. I'm kinda a control freak and letting him take care of it doesn't come naturally. He doesn't necessarily want the responsibility, but I gave it to him when our fourth child was born, hoping that he would see where the money was going and be more careful about spending. (It didn't work.)

Her post was basically about letting God take care of your problems. At first, I was like, "Whatever. That's like saying God's going to give you a job and then not go look for one." Then, I struggled with it for a couple of hours. One of my kids asked for some snuggle time. She was sensing my anxiety and breaking out in tears all morning (probably because I was). So, I told her to go pick out a book and meet me on the couch. I told God (silently) that I would see this as a direct "word" for me if she picked a book about Moses. Now, the probability of her picking a book about Moses was probably not that high, considering that she has a bookshelf full of books and maybe 2 of them are about Moses and Moses isn't really her favorite story. Guess what she brought me! I was not happy to see THAT book! I could barely read it!

So, last night I had to re-apologize to my husband for starting an argument. We rarely argue. It's actually pretty crazy how well we get along. I don't know any couple that gets on as well as we do, but this morning I started it. I knew better. It's so hard to let things like that go.

And in a turn of events, we went shopping last night. I found a new bathing suit for my little girl at Target on clearance (labeled $6.98) that I have had my eyes on all Summer. It rang up for $2.48! I was so stoked! Then, I got a book at Hastings that rang up for $0.01. Ha!

My husband started working in NICU once a week. He seemed to really like it. He brought home a preemie diaper for my little girl to see. . . and he brought home one that is for the tiniest babies. It is the size of the palm of my hand (not including fingers.) It's amazing that babies that tiny can live outside the womb!

Today was promotion Sunday at church. I work in the toddler room and all the kids got promoted except 2 (one was mine). So, we got a whole room full of kids with separation anxiety. That was fun. Somehow I ended up with the baby who had a wicked diaper rash and kept breaking down in tears. My toddler was not too happy about me carrying around another baby for 1.5 hrs. Fun times, my friends.